My Fear of Hair

It sounds really stupid, but hair absolutely creeps me out. It's not the hair that is still attached to the top of your head that gets me, it's the disgusting loose strands that seem to multiply once you find one on your shirt. It is the feeling of hair against my skin specifically that really gets me. I will not touch loose hair period! And just my luck, I don't know if it is just because I have curly hair, but I shed worse than my fluffy husky. To put it into perspective, by the time I'm done taking a shower in the morning, there is a clump of wet hair the size of a small rodent clogging the drain. I have to make one of my sisters pick it out because all I can think about is the rodent like clump crawling up my arm in a desperate attempt to reattach itself to my head. I won't even take the hair out of my brush, I will literally use it until you can no longer see the bristles. Ever wonder why I don't leave my hair down all that often? I refuse to let my hair get any excuse to dance freely against my skin.

The feeling of hair on my skin may creep me out, but the feeling of it in my mouth is a stone cold horror of mine. Let's be honest, nobody appreciates hair in his or her food to begin with, but getting hair in my mouth became a fear of mine after I watched the terrifying "G" rated movie Hotel for Dogs with my seven year old sister. There is a scene in the movie where the kids are forced to eat these horrifyingly grotesque T.V. dinner prepared by the "evil step-mom" of the film. As the kids were eating, one of them all of a sudden stops eating and carefully places the fork back on the table. He then turns to his sister with a look of utter nausea on his face. With his two fingers he pulls out the biggest and longest chunk of blond hair out from his gaping mouth. The only problem was, none of the kids have blond hair. The camera then pans over to the step-mom putting dishes away in the background and it is then that you remember that she has platinum blond hair. Ever since then, I get an involuntary gag reflex whenever I even think about that stupid movie.

Seriously god forbid I ever find a hair in my mouth. I look like such an idiot when I do find one. First I get the ever-so-appetizing gag reflex, and then I dig around frantically in every crevasse of my mouth with a quivering hand until I find the culprit. By then my stomach is trying to hurl itself outside my body to obliterate any appetite I had left.