When in the Course of an
older teenager’s life, it becomes necessary to assert dominance over any
younger parties who happen to reside under the same roof as us; we must assume
total independence to which our newly earned age has granted us.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all teenagers of the eldest variety will be endowed by our Superiors certain unalienable privileges, that among these are a later curfew, laptop superiority, and the pursuit of total dominance. That, to secure these privileges, elders are present among living quarters to validate the teenager’s superiority and to keep the peace among residents. That, whenever any younger resident tries to rise up against the grain of hierarchy, it is the right of the teenager to disown or chastise them, and to reassert total dominance. Age, indeed, will dictate the older sibling’s long establishment of rights that should not be changed for any reason whatsoever. The history of the eldest sibling is a history of repeated undermining and exploitation by those inferior in age. To prove this, let facts be revealed to the modern world.
They have refused to leave the desired elder alone especially when the eldest is most occupied.
They have called together a congregation of minions of equal annoyance to cause havoc in the threshold.
They have acquired the eldest’s assistance to transport them to obscure places at the most inconvenient of times.
They have obstructed the eldest from using the lavatory when its private and exclusive use is most desired.
For quartering large bodies of friends over an extended period of time:
For exciting domestic insurrection among us:
In every stage of these Oppressions, we have petitioned for righteous status as noble and superior brothers and sisters by birthright and most importantly birth order. We have appealed to their native immaturity and although tied by common kindred relations they have remained deaf to the voice of superiority.
We, therefore, the first born of the household, in General Assembly, appeal to the Supreme Judge of the World, or parents, do solemnly publish and declare that we ought to be free and independent from those lower in the birth order then us. We are absolved from any and all family ties and from all duties encumbered. And in support of this declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of our station in life, we mutually pledge to each other our friendship, our iPods, and our single bedrooms.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all teenagers of the eldest variety will be endowed by our Superiors certain unalienable privileges, that among these are a later curfew, laptop superiority, and the pursuit of total dominance. That, to secure these privileges, elders are present among living quarters to validate the teenager’s superiority and to keep the peace among residents. That, whenever any younger resident tries to rise up against the grain of hierarchy, it is the right of the teenager to disown or chastise them, and to reassert total dominance. Age, indeed, will dictate the older sibling’s long establishment of rights that should not be changed for any reason whatsoever. The history of the eldest sibling is a history of repeated undermining and exploitation by those inferior in age. To prove this, let facts be revealed to the modern world.
They have refused to leave the desired elder alone especially when the eldest is most occupied.
They have called together a congregation of minions of equal annoyance to cause havoc in the threshold.
They have acquired the eldest’s assistance to transport them to obscure places at the most inconvenient of times.
They have obstructed the eldest from using the lavatory when its private and exclusive use is most desired.
For quartering large bodies of friends over an extended period of time:
For exciting domestic insurrection among us:
In every stage of these Oppressions, we have petitioned for righteous status as noble and superior brothers and sisters by birthright and most importantly birth order. We have appealed to their native immaturity and although tied by common kindred relations they have remained deaf to the voice of superiority.
We, therefore, the first born of the household, in General Assembly, appeal to the Supreme Judge of the World, or parents, do solemnly publish and declare that we ought to be free and independent from those lower in the birth order then us. We are absolved from any and all family ties and from all duties encumbered. And in support of this declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of our station in life, we mutually pledge to each other our friendship, our iPods, and our single bedrooms.
Willa~
ReplyDeleteI have a younger sibling, like you, and I would totally sign this declaration! You hit the nail on the head with your facts that were revealed to the modern world about younger siblings. I believe that now days it means less than it has meant in the past to be the "Oldest chid". I laughed out loud, literally, in the part where you said "We mutually pledge...to our single bedrooms." I hope the sibling issue gets better for you, being you will be in college soon too! Great work!
~Eva